Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Randomize
