The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
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The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
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You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
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