found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
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Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
PANTIES FOUND
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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