I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize