U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
God, I missed his penis.
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