Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
