just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
