it hurts more in the daytime
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
