Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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