pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
