I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
