every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
