Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
