Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
accomplished twins. life is a go
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
