I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
