can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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