Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Slut skills are useful in every country.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
