i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
