are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
