Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
