just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
