And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
how drunk are you?
Several
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
