i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
