porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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