Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
