Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
