If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
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