I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
