She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
A+ Viking dick
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
