I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize
