You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
