Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
