i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
