so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
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