put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
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I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
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And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
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