Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
