my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
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