Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
