Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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