Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
