I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
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