ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
