I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
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