I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize