I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
