who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Randomize
