Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
