Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Randomize
