dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
