so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
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