I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
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