3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you bring me the toilet please
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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