Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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