Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
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