i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
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