As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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