Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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