All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
