After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
