Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
my liver is dry heaving
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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