I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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