So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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